I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
