I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize