The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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