You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
