I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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