some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
