HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
