I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
