i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
