You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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