So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
