Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
