The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
