I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
