Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
