Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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