Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
