if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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