dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
