Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
