So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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