Jerry, you need to find god
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
