You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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