census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
