then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
