i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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