I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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