dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
