I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
