lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
