Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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