Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Pants are for mortals
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
