reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
