are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
