I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
