I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
