In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Ladies don't puke and tell
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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