***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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