I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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