Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
