I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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