I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
