Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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