I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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