they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
