Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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