No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize