Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
