he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
