my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
