well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
