I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
