shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
