i think my mom watched the whole time
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
