If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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