Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
