I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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