direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
