im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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