ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
