No awkward lesbian experiences without me
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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