Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
