Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
