haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
