ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
