So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
